Wrong Man
by tredlow
Summary: My first story ever. It's about two different things melded into one big mess: Halflife 2 and Sam and Max. WARNING: May contain violence.
1. Some weird Advertisement

_Author's note: I do NOT own Sam, Max nor the great inhabitants of City 17._

_Sam's the Dog and Max's the Rabbit, remember that now._

**Chapter 1: Some weird advertisement.**

He opened his eyes, it was dark and cold.

"Rise and shine, Mr. Freeman, Rise and shine" said an unknown voice

He tried to look around, but his head was unable to move. After a pause, a figure appeared in front of him. It was wearing a formal outfit, carrying a briefcase. It smiled at him.

"Not that I wish to imply you have been sleeping on the job" continued the figure.

"Who're you?" he asked the figure. The figure's smile faded, it took out a piece of paper and reads it. Then the figure looked back at him, "I'm sorry, wrong man" it said. Then light shined around the darkness. For a split second, another figure, wearing a blue jumpsuit and glasses appeared nearby.

Then everything became white.


	2. Still no answers

**Chapter 2: Still no answers.**

City 17, a place where hope and dreams have as much respect as a piece of dead meat which has been lying on the lawn since 1936. It was a typical day; people dying, people running, people who wished they were dying but were not allowed. But this day may be the beginning of the most bizzare events in the history of good, bad, and ugly. And it all starts with a Canine Shamus.

Sam woke up, he looked around him. He's in a train station, but a bit more futuristic and has a faint smell of pasta in it.

"Where the hell are we?" shouted a familiar voice from inside his shirt, Sam reached into his shirt and took out a pale, grinning rabbit thing known as Max. Max was wearing nothing, as usual. "I dunno Max, and have you seen my detective outfit? I can't concentrate with this blue-ish fashion disaster" said Sam. Max looked at Sam's weird and unusual attire, it's blue and a bit creepy.

"Sam you look like one of those janitors who clean up the mess at gross-out game shows" commented the Lagomorph. "And where are we? The last thing I remembered was that we were playing Spanish Monopoly" he continued.

"Then the phone rang" added Sam.

"And then we fought each other about it" added Max.

"So I threw you out the window" added Sam.

"And I quickly threw my snow globe at you before I fell" added Max.

"Then, uh… I think I blacked out" added Sam.

"Same for me" said Max.

"Then this guy came out and starts giving me sermons and stuff" said Sam.

"Like that Twilight-y show?" asked Max.

"Yes, only less theatrical" said Sam. "Must be one of those fascist junk food advertisements that multiply every year".

Sam got up to his feet (Yes, he was sitting on the ground all along) and observed the scene. People in weird soldier outfits are searching suitcases and beating up people.

"Those guys look friendly, let's annoy them" said Max. "Max, if there's one thing about strangers that my mother told me it's that you should never talk to one unless you are properly armed" said Sam. "Ooh, sounds fun!" said Max, taking out two crowbars and giving one to Sam.

"Where'd you get these, Max?" asked Sam.

"None of your business, Sam" replied Max.

The two approached that soldier, with their crowbars hidden behind their backs. "State your names please" said the soldier.

"Sam and Max" answered Sam.

"Last names?" asked the soldier. Sam and Max didn't reply.

"Give me your last names!" demanded the soldier. Still no reply.

"Taking aggressive action!" shouted the soldier, brandishing an electrical bat. Max quickly sprung up, and hit the guy's head with his crowbar. The soldier fell to his knees, blood drips from his gas mask. Then Max continued hitting him repeatedly with the crowbar until he was down for good. "That's telling him Max" said Sam.

Soon sirens started to rang, soldiers started to fill up the place, carrying guns and grenades and such. Sam gets ready to fight while Max was still examining the body of the dead soldier.

"Sam, these guys are called Combines, it's on this guy's ID card, whaddaya think of that?" asked Max.

"Not much, I just wish I have my guns back" said Sam.


	3. This should not be happening

**Chapter 3: This should not be happening.**

From a nearby, yet well-hidden location, the figure, also known as the G-man, watched Sam and Max in horror. A train arrived at the station, and then a man, named Gordon, arrived. Gordon saw the army of combines surrounding Sam and Max, without saying anything he ran to the turnstile that the Combine soldiers were previously guarding.

"No, this is all wrong, the situation should not be like this, I got everything under control until those… those two FREAKS appeared out of nowhere!" muttered the G-man to himself. "They're messing with the plan! They're ruining everything! But wait…" he stopped panicking, straightened his tie, and took a deep breath. "This is just a minor setback, as long as they don't intervene with Gordon's role" He said calmly, then disappeared.

Soon the Combine starts shooting, but the duo dodged them in ways one might think are impossible. Soon, Sam and Max started hitting them with their crowbars and they fell to the floor one by one. When the dust cleared, the two stood with smiles on their faces and no scratch on their bodies. Around them, about thirty lifeless corpses lie on the floor covered with blood.

"Sam, if I ever start caring about these guys I want you to shoot me" said Max.

"Will do, little buddy" replied Sam. "Hey, we should take their guns while they're dead!" suggested Max, and so they did.

Seeing that there are no other exits, they went through the turnstile. The place has no guards in it, which is obvious seeing that they all have been beaten up at the station. A man with a troubled face looked at them and whispered "Don't drink the water; they put something in it to make you forget…" Max looked at him. "Won't matter, my memory is as dull as that rat I put in the pencil sharpener last year" said Max.

"You're such an adorable menace, Max" said Sam. The man seems more stressed than he was before as Sam and Max continued forward.

Their travels led them to a plaza. It's filled with civilians and guards, the guards didn't pay any attention to the two so they probably didn't hear about Sam and Max's riot at the station. At one building, a big screen is displaying a man using big words meaning god knows what. Max's grin flicked a bit, and then he backs away from the screen. "Sam, let's get outta here, you know I hate long words" said Max.

"Fine, let's go" said Sam.

They arrive at a street, where a bunch of Combine soldiers were fighting against a group of weird headed people with their guts ripped out. "Look Max, zombies! I always wanted one since I was a kid" said Sam. "Don't get your hopes up. I think these guys are backup dancers in pop music videos, Sam" said Max.

One of the Zombies' head jumped off its body and started biting one of the Combine soldiers' head. "Whoa Max, take a look at that guy" said Sam, pointing at the head-biting zombie head. "What do you think it's doing?" asked Sam. "I don' know, but it's contagious!" said Max. He leaped into one of the combine's shoulder and started gnawing his head. "Aaah!! Get it off me! Get it off me!" screamed the combine.

"C'mon Max, we can bite people's heads when we get home. For now, let's look for my suit" said Sam.


	4. Seemingly Indestructible

**Chapter 4: Seemingly Indestructible**

Sam and Max continued their journey for Sam's suit, they passed a group of Combine soldiers beating up civilians. Max made a tempted grin and took out a gun he took earlier. "As much as I hate to admit it, Max, we got better things to do than shooting these armed Neanderthals" said Sam, Max looked a bit dissapointed as he lowered his gun.

They walked around, seeing unusual sights around them. A huge, three-legged strider walked past them, a very tall building stands as far as the eye can see, and dropships are carrying vehicles. "We're in nerd paradise, Max" said Sam. "I've seen nerdier stuff at The Phantom Menace premiere, Sam. Can't we just forget about-"

"Wait, Max. Look at what that science-fiction influenced dropship is carrying!" interrupted Sam. Max squinted his beady eyes and quickly understood why the thing made Sam surprised, "It's our car! The DeSoto we use everyday!" shouted Max.

"But how did it get here?" asked Sam to himself.

"It probably came the same way as we did!" said Max.

"And that preacher character must've mistaken it as a man!" said Sam.

"Boy, he sure is stupid" said Max.

The two mammals started running down the road, trying to catch up with the dropship. Eventualy, they gave up. "It'll pop up sooner or later" said Sam, optimistically.

In another place, a man called Gordon is being beaten up by Combine soldiers

Sam and Max decided that they should ask for directions, they saw a Combine soldier and decided that he was friendly. "Hi there, do you know where they put all those things that were wrongfully taken by those dropships?" asked Sam.

"No talking" said the soldier.

"Sir, I'm this close to choking you right now" said Sam, indicating the soldier with his thumb and index finger.

"Are you threatening me?" asked the soldier, with his gun ready.

"No, we are congratulating your great intelligence" said Sam.

"That was two sarcastic remarks in one sentence, impressive." said Max.

"The landing pad in sector 12 is strictly off limits" explained the Combine.

"Sector 12, huh? Thanks" said Sam.

The soldier cursed, then aimed his gun at Sam's forehead. But he forgot about his own forehead, which now has a bullet stuck on it. Sam puts his smoking gun back to his pocket.

"Looks like we're on a heck of an episode, eh Max?" said Sam.

"The whole fabric of reality may weep openly" said Max.


	5. Our Mutual Paranoid

_Author's note: Bosco's the guy from Telltale's Sam and Max Season 1, download it!_

**Chapter 5: Our Mutual Paranoid**

It's been quiet here in Straight Street, too quiet…

Bosco was just opening up the store; activating all two thousand security cameras, refilling the gas chamber in the toilet, re-planting the land mines. Business has been quiet also, usually Sam and/or Max enters the store asking for a high-tech, over-priced gadget or some random object to batter criminals with, but today nobody walked in through the sensor-equipped doorway. Also, there's not a single sound of rats being strangled, guns being shot, or anyone being tortured with emotional pain; where are those Freelance Police?

"I smell…" thought Bosco, "…a CONSPIRACY!"

Just then, a man walked through the door, sensors detected a ham sandwich, a cell phone and a faint smell of pasta.

He was a middle-aged man with a tall and thin physique, very pale skin, dark brown hair shaped in a military-style crew cut, and blue-green eyes. He's wearing a blue-ish suit, red tie, carrying a briefcase, looking at Bosco directly in the eyes.

Cold sweat slid across Bosco's frightened expression, his finger ready to press the Bosco-Tech Automated Defense System retaliation button, his mind swirling with worry.

"Do you have a Bargio Brothers Brand Mustard?" asked the man.

"NO!" Shouted Bosco.

"Do you have normal Mustard?" the man asked again.

"Maybe, who are you working for?" inquired Bosco.

"A delivery company" answered the man, his tone of voice changed when he said it.

"In there" said Bosco, pointing at the mustard dispenser.

The man walked towards the dispenser, then he pulled out a small jar with a label that said 'mustard' on it, put some mustard into it, paid Bosco with exact change which looked like it was polished recently, and went out the door.

A piece of paper fell out of his briefcase; the man didn't notice it and disappeared out of the store. Bosco picked it up.

It was a to-do list: _Pick up mustard at nearby store, check up on Freeman, watch LOST on DVD._

Bosco flipped the paper over and found something else on it: a blueprint.

It described an extremely advanced technology, way more advanced than anything from Bosco-Tech. It had the initials 'ASHPD' in the background, and a blue, circular company logo.

Bosco pocketed it and went back to the counter.

Back in the other side of reality, Sam and Max are wandering the streets, when they came across a heavily guarded building. It looked like a normal apartment building, except that it was surrounded by combines and flying robots.

"Sam, what's our policy on buildings surrounded by guards who are just asking for violence?" asked Max.

"Do you have to ask?" answered Sam, pulling out a fully loaded gun.

"You know I have the memory of an expired Salisbury steak sauce" said Max.

They instantly ran to the building.

The guards instantly ran after them, holding electric bats and handguns, before getting hit repeatedly and being called 'lame' and 'unoriginal' in their ears.

Sam and Max ran into the building, ran across every hallway, dodging every bullet the guards shoot at them, and finally jumped into a laundry chute.

In another room, Isaac, a scientist, was talking to himself about some mistake that happened moments ago.

"…which was the same thing that happened to the cat in our previous attempt" he said, as if he's talking to members of some prestigious company.

Suddenly Sam and Max fell through the concrete ceiling. They crashed onto the floor, breathing heavily.

"Phew… that laundry chute was cramped and smelled like old people" said Max, spitting dust.

The duo stood up and saw a panicked Isaac.

"Look, Sam! A defenseless nerd wearing glasses! It's a dream come true!" said Max, full of joy.


	6. Home is Just a Teleportation Device Away

**Chapter 6: Home is just a teleportation device away**

Our heroes just sat there, drinking tea, while Isaac went on and on about the ever-changing nature of reality. Sam and Max watched as Isaac babbled his presentation about whatever, if they listened any closer they would fall asleep. Fortunately, they weren't listening.

"…which might be the reason you two came here" said Isaac.

"Yeah, very impressive, coat-boy. You just invented a cheap, low-carb cure for insomnia" said Sam. "But can you get us to sector 12? We really need to find our car and get home so we can finish that game, I just bought a coliseum and Max got sent to the big house".

"Well, I have a teleport chamber. But it's still a bit unpredictable and might be dangerous to—"

"Yeah, yeah we heard it all before. Just teleport us to Sector 12 and we'll find our own way back" said Sam.

"Er, very well. But it is too dangerous to walk around City 17 wearing that civilian outfit, let me give you something more suitable" said Isaac. Isaac walked to a corner of the room and pressed a button, then the wall next to him opened. Behind the wall is an outfit Sam recognizes.

"Why, it's my trademark suit! The one I always wear on our oddball adventures!"

Sam quickly changed into the suit, feeling that he was reunited with himself again.

"I'm sorry to say that I have nothing for the rabbit to wear" said Isaac. "That's okay, I hate clothes" said Max.

"Well, let's go then" said Isaac. He pressed some buttons and did some ID scans, and then another wall opened, revealing a secret room with control panels and a teleport chamber. "Now, usually we have someone to lead you to a safe house, but since you are on your own way I guess you can do it yourself" said Isaac.

Sam climbed into the chamber, "Aww, I wanna be the one whose particles get scattered into the terrains of the microscopic world!" moaned Max. "You'll get your turn after the dog's, it is dangerous to teleport two people at once" said Isaac, who is pressing buttons on the controls. Sam starts to fade, he can feel his body disappearing.

Max, being too impatient, leapt into the chamber. "No! Stay away from there!" shouted Isaac. He tried to turn it off, but it was too late. Max and Sam were both fading away into the fabrics of teleportation. Then a blast of bright lights and screeching noises filled the room like a thousand flash bangs. Isaac, pushed by the impact, got up on his feet. But Sam and Max were gone.

In another place, a man named Gordon is riding a boat, fleeing from bomb-dropping helicopters.


	7. Ravenholm's not a place we go to anymore

_Author's note: Sam has a four dimensional pocket because he's an adventure game character. Yeah, I know it's cheesy._

**Chapter 7: Ravenholm is not a place where we go anymore**

Sam felt a bit disoriented, as if a valuable part of his existence was replaced with something sick and twisted. This is normal since it was the first time his particles were separated from each other. After fully materialized, he looked around, it was a normal busy city street, without the normal or the busy. It was quiet, and it was dumpier than City 17. Max was nowhere to be seen, he remembered that Max jumped into the teleporter at the split second they dematerialized.

Body parts are scattered everywhere, like in a movie theatre. "Max woulda loved this place" said Sam to himself, wondering where the hell Max—

"I _am_ loving it, Sam. It's like a movie theatre" said a voice. Sam looked around, he was sure that was Max's voice, but the little guy was nowhere to be found. "Max, where are you, little buddy?" called Sam. "Behind you, Sam" said Max.

Sam looked behind him; his back looked an awful lot like Max.

He soon realized that Max was now attached to his back, like siamese twins. "Max, you confounded fool, our particles must've joined together, forming a freakshow with a dog and a rabbit's head!" said Sam.

"I prefer the term 'conjoined freaks'" said Max. "Can't we just use the crowbars we found to de-conjoin ourselves?"

"Nope, I seem to have dropped them while we were in the teleportation chamber. Right now we better get outta here; the lack of hygiene here is making me nauseous" said Sam. "And these severed body parts are making me hungry" said Max.

They walked down the street, ignoring the dead bodies and moaning zombie sounds around them. "Max, I'm not sure this place is safe to be around in" said Sam. "Neither is our office, but we have no problems there" said Max.

Sam continued walking down the road, the place got creepier, darker and bloodier each step. Also, he came upon a weird creature, kind of like a zombie, only skinnier and more vicious-looking. The creature looked at them and started charging.

Sam reached into his pocket (which seems to fit even the largest of junk) and pulled out his revolver, he shot the beast, but it only seems to stun it a bit. "Aim for the head Sam! Aim for the head!" yelled Max, who's facing an opposite direction because he's still stuck on Sam's back. Sam shot the creature's head, and it died instantly.

"Wow, Max, how did you know these zombies' weak spot, Max?" asked Sam.

"Zombies? I thought you were shooting at ducks!" said Max.

Sam heard something. "Wait, did you hear something, Max?" said Sam.

"I have these long ears, of course I hear things"

"No, no, you adorable ignoramus. It's like a laugh, someone's laughing"

Then the laugh became louder, "Oh, yeah. I hear it now, it's probably Santa" said Max.

Then the laugh stopped, a figure appeared in the rooftop of a building nearby. It was a man; bald head, humble clothes, a gun.

"They call me Father Grigori. Who, may I ask, are you to trespass my field of bad memories?" he said.

"I'm Sam, he's Max, we're conjoined freaks" said Sam.

"And we grow freakier by the second" added Max.

"Well, I don't get many visitors around here anymore" said Grigori.

"Yes, probably the lack of hygiene got the worst of them" said Sam.

"And the lack of snack bars" added Max.

"No, actually the zombies scared half of them away, and ate the other half" said Grigori. "I have set some traps around the place, but be careful not to get trapped yourself!" with a hearty laugh, he disappeared.

"I get it, it's just like using mousetraps! Only bigger and better" said Max.

"Also, you use it to trap someone other than yourself this time" said Sam.

Sam decided that he would go to the direction Father Grigori was going, Max decided to do nothing; since he was stuck on Sam's back he wouldn't need to walk anyway. The normal zombies are slow and almost blind, so it was actually easy to ignore them.

Then came the big zombie, who was actually faster and a bit more difficult to ignore. Sam started backing away, he didn't want to waste ammo on a lowly being like this (ironically, he'd waste it on rats that live in his apartment).

Nearby, a weird contraption was present. It has a lever, gears and other types of doohickey. "Max, I'm curious about the inner workings of this thing" said Sam pointing at the contraption. "Whatever it is, be thankful that you're not the cat who got killed by curiosity" said Max.

Sam pulled the lever, which caused some mechanisms to move. Seconds later a car fell down from nowhere, crushing the zombie with its metal toughness.

"So this is what those mousetraps are like" said Sam.

"Do it again, I wasn't looking!" Said Max, who was still stuck looking at the opposite direction.

In another place, a one legged-man welcomed a visitor named Gordon.


End file.
